I haven’t blogged for quite some time. “Why?” you ask … for no particular reason other than I haven’t been available to do so. At present, I am sitting alone in the condo, having returned early from a training outing, and find myself with ample time catch up. It is for reasons of training, not this particular trip but another, that I have been so unavailable. Although my failure to maintain the electronic chronicling of my life here in southern California, with Krista and the dogs and the Corps, is somewhat frustrating … I can think of no reasons, aside from visiting family and vacationing to remote locations, for which I would rather be detained other than ‘training’. Having returned, however, I am taking the afore mentioned ‘ample time’ and reinitiating the also afore mentioned ‘electronic chronicling’. So, I’ve sat on the couch with the dogs, who are napping as usual, turned on the melodies of Frederyk Chopin and have let loose my fingers upon the keyboard.
I have always valued my time with the Marine Corps, but I am now experiencing a renaissance of initial affections for it, and I’m excited. That being said, I have never felt the heartache and longing for a home so far away as I have on the last day of any training or operation which has removed me from my family and friends. As activities come to closure and bags are staged for transport, the long stowed thoughts of home come flooding back as if an emotional retaining wall and given way. Excitement, longing, anxiety, sorrow and frustration merge together split apart and reunite in the wildly majestic symphony: Human Emotion Run Amuck. Not a catchy title? Hmm, perhaps that can be rethought, reworked, submitted to a focus group for new discussion, and then – only then – be exposed to a sample audience via cleverly placed fifteen second commercials squeezed between the weekly situation comedy television show most frequently watched by the targeted demographic. I digress . . .
The point is, there’s no good label, nor simple description, for the feelings a returning service member just prior to their return. Some feeling are easily empathized with, others seem irrational and out of place. Regardless of your opinion on the subject, unless you’ve experienced those moments personally, you will never understand. So when I speak of enjoying my training/operational trips, yet also speak of my longing for home, please do not question either set of emotions. Also, if you’ve never been forced to ignore everything you consider ‘normal’ in order to focus on a more pressing matter, maybe one of life and death, please do not pretend to understand or attempt to counsel me on the way in which I “turn this, the normal world off” while I’m away. It’s a coping method that has done very well to bring me home safely. Thank you.
So I’m back, again, and so many things have transpired since my last posting two months ago. I attended schooling on the east coast and did well. I returned to discover a new bed in the bedroom! As well as two dogs who had made vast improvements regarding their overall behaviors. I learned that I am capable of far more than I ever thought, and that the will to succeed regardless of the obstacles in our path can be found deep down inside us all … even the dogs! I also returned to the sad news of death in the family and the onset of aggressive illness. Friends had babies, friends filed for divorce, friends got married, friends moved away, and friends moved closer … the world continued to turn.
That statement sounds as though I am on the verge of thinking more of myself than I actually do, but the truth of it is as simple as the words typed. I am always amazed, upon returning from a trip, at how much life can happen in such short periods of time. I let so little phase me while I’m away, that it takes several days after coming home to fully conduct the inventory of life and all that needs to be noted.
I’ve let myself ramble so long to come to this basic point: Continually take inventory of your life; make note of the joys and sorrows and thank God for just having the opportunity to live Life. The more I do this the more I consider myself blessed, and the more reasons I discover for which to be grateful.
SA&LC-
Ryan
SAFA
VANSO
