A little more than a month has passed and already so much is changing. Krista & I are still together and continually growing as friends and as a couple. The dogs are doing well, despite a brief stint of total canine fecal terror. The family in CA seems to be on the good foot. The family in Ohio is having a rougher go of it, but I’ll discuss that later. Friends are returning from abroad. Work is, well, as uneventful as ever. Hmm, that sounds like everything has more or less remained the same … but wait!
Krista and I are growing and learning as time goes on. I have never loved her so much as I do now, but we have never argued so much as we have recently. Let us call it ‘growing pains’, because it would seem that as we hit new strides in our life together, each stride comes with a little pinch in the side. We are reminded that this life is not a sprint, but rather a nice distance course with plenty of scenery and changing conditions. Sometimes the road is a gentle downhill, sometimes a harsh incline. Whatever the case may be, she and I are running the course together.
The latest ‘pinch’ is the realization that my orders at my current duty station are soon to expire. This means that I will rotate back to the ‘Fleet Marine Force’ (FMF) and resume a more typical schedule, including training operations and deployments. For us, and especially for Krista, this is new territory. For me it’s not so unfamiliar, but for K it’s a dive into the unknown. New territory, some of which is unknown … these are the makings for a scary situation. This is the current ‘pinch’ we’re up against.
Krista is a bit frightened by the possibility of being uprooted and moved to a new location, to live in a new home and have me doing new things with a new unit. She is not familiar with anything outside of our current area and has not even the comfort of being exposed to a typical Marine Corps life (as I work for the Training and Education Command, I go NO WHERE). She is facing more changes in one instance than most people deal with over several years. I can understand why it is so scary for her, and I sympathize. The problem is, I cannot empathize.
I’ve spent a great many of my years moving from one place to the next, never really knowing what was going to happen when I got there. I actually quite enjoy moving and experiencing life in a new area. I also don’t mind the uncertainty of what the new location and life will hold. I’ve taught myself to enjoy the mystery and adventure of it all. I do experience a bit of anxiety, but nothing that isn’t easily dealt with. Separation anxiety, adjustment disorder, fear of the unknown … these are not things I have ever had to deal with, so I am a very bad partner when it comes to assisting someone through these hard times in their life. Poor Krista, she has to deal with my shortcomings.
I feel helpless in the whole mess. I’ve always been the fix-it guy, the one who has pulled things together to make it all work out … I can’t do that now. I can’t just ‘make her better’, the same way she cannot just ‘make me understand’. Feeling helpless adds to my frustration, one that already existed at not being able to really empathize with Krista. So now I feel out of touch, out of control, unable to help, and complete inept at handling the whole damn situation. This is horrible … especially since all I want is for her to feel comfortable and safe in the whole thing.
Krista is frustrated with me, and rightly so. Here I am, her best friend and partner, and I’m of no help with this matter. Quite the opposite really, I only seem to complicate things further. She probably feels as though she’s dealing with the whole damn mess by herself; which to certain extents, she is. She’s most likely upset at me for not offering more comfort or reassurance. Upset because, ‘I just don’t get it’, or I just ‘don’t understand her’; which is to a point, true. She needs answers, and I don’t seem to have them, which is irritating.
A lack of answers, as she and I have learned, is the source of a lot of frustration. However, regardless of how much frustration is caused by not having the answers, it does not compare with the amount of frustration generated by not having the questions! Yes, feeling so overwhelmed that you don’t seem to be able to formulate the questions you need to, is exceedingly more frustrating than not getting the answers you want. This, as we have identified, is more of our problem now.
Krista and I are sitting down to contemplate what the impending changes in our lives actually mean to each of us. We’re focusing on generating some quantifiable questions that can be answered. We’re seeking out the answers and then we reforming our concept of the situation at hand. It’s a tedious and lengthy process, but it’s one is believed to hold satisfaction at the end.
So there’s the update on K & I. The ‘Garden of Eden’ our life is not, but we never claimed it as such either. We continue to live life and take the course in stride. We live and learn, love and laugh, we even cry, but through it all we hold hands and go about it all as friends and partners.
Until Next Time …
SA&LC-
Ryan
SAFA
VANSO
